Friday, January 10, 2014

Post Christmas Confusion

I have always loved working, especially at a school, it's been one of the most rewarding things I think I have ever done. It always made me so happy to get up and go to work.  One of the things I knew I would do when I arrived here is to send CV's out. I knew I wanted to work for sure!

Late last year I received an email saying that a position may be available for me and asking if I was interested. I replied in the affirmative and was so excited. I was told to expect an email after the 6 Jan.

This week I had this thought flying into my head.... "Why do you want to work when you are enjoying being home?"  For the first time I considered what would happen if I didn't work and it was a bit confusing. I know it sounds like a silly thing to be confused about - but anyway...

I was once given some advice about how to determine that a decision you have made is right. Basically, in short, make a decision and live with it - if you don't have peace with it, it's not the right decision.

I have been mulling over this this week, and was quite conflicted about what I wanted. Do I want to work? Am I just being lazy not wanting to? Am I nervous about starting here? What shall I do?   I went to the site that had advertised the post and I see it's been removed. I haven't heard anymore about the interview, but I assume from the removal of the ad, that the position has been filled.

Now I am just bitterly disappointed. It looked like a lovely position in a great place. I feel completely deflated.  I didn't even have time to make a decision to have peace about, but what I have found out through the disappointment, is that deep down  I really, really DO want to work.

It's a good thing, because now I know for sure what I want!  Let the journey continue with no more confusion, because I have peace with the certainty of what I want.

But while I am home, I shall continue to love every minute of it!


4 comments:

  1. Well one good thing about it is that the decks have been cleared, so to speak. Obviously that was not the one for you and when the right one does come up, there'll be no conflict in you about whether to take it.
    I sympathise with you for now though: disappointment is always hard to go through
    Love and hugs XX

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    1. Yup - No conflict left. Don't worry about me though. Am not sitting in a pool of tears and beating the wall! In a way I am not sorry it happened because it cleared my head. But I am sorry it happened - haha.. makes no sense does it? :)

      I'm good though! xx

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  2. I am sure that at the right time the perfect position will come...and that you will love it.

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    1. Absolutely. Have to believe that and in the meantime will take full advantage of being at home!

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So, what do you think?