Miracles & Miniscual Moments of Doubt

I had never thought of going to a gynae and didn't have 'my own' - I did however, have a tremendous amount of pain.  A work colleague suggested going to her gynae instead of a doctor. I was dubious. Anyone who knows me, will know that I am not a fan of anything medical. I was prepared to put the pain down to something I ate, but after a few days, I couldn't stand it anymore.

I went. I was convinced I was dying.

He pressed around on my stomach and my heart was racing,  As he prodded, he asked some questions that I can't remember and then eventually did a scan.

"You're pregnant" he said "about 7-8 weeks". 

Not the words I was expecting - but I was thrilled. I had had no signs of pregnancy, no skipped months, no morning sickness, no being tired nor cravings.

My happiness was short-lived because his next sentence was "Unfortunately, you have what is called an ectopic pregnancy, which means that the baby is stuck in the tube. It won't be able to grow there and in a few days you will begin to bleed. This can be very dangerous, come in immediately and we will have to perform a short procedure to 'clean it up'."

I was stunned. How could I be so happy one second and so unhappy the next?

I phoned "My Man' at work and told him. Then I phoned my parents. I got hold of my mom during a homegroup or prayer meeting, but straight away I knew that there were people, some of whom I didn't even know, praying for us - and being strong for us. My mom was 1500km away and all I wanted was to get there - but I was a grown up now and this was something I would have to cope with with 'My Man'.

The next 10 days were a blur.  I remember every night coming home from work and lying on my side, and saying "God, please let our baby 'fall' down into place".  I know it sounds silly, but that's all I could think of to pray.

Ten days later I went back to the doctor, there had been no bleeding and I was feeling better. He did another scan and can remember a rather prolonged silence. Then he said something like "I've never seen anything like it before, never heard of anything like it before. You baby is perfectly placed and growing perfectly."

I can't remember what I said or if I said anything at all... I was just overwhelmed by the fact that our baby was perfectly fine - overwhelmed by this miracle.

FAST FORWARD TWENTY YEARS.

I had moved provinces and needed to find a new gynae. I was referred to a well known guy in the area so I went to him.  As is customary, they give you the third degree as a new patient, and the whole miracle of 'My Girl'  came up.

He looked at me and said something like: "He must have made a mistake, because that it is not possible."  I was a little taken aback and still offered to give him my doctors name to confirm, but he was adamant that what I was saying was not, well, true. He just dismissed it - and moved on.

As I walked out of his rooms, I thought, "It was so long ago, and he is a professional, what if he's right, what if I made a mistake, what if, what if, what if?"

My moment of doubt didn't last long, because those memories came back to me in a rush, God just reshowed me in a nano-second every feeling I felt, every phonecall I made, almost every prayer that I prayed, to assure me that it was Him.

The truth is, that in my moment of doubt, God 'did something' to my faith. He refreshed it in a way that may not have happened had my miracle not been questioned by someone who didn't trust that God could and would do that!

Impossible is Nothing...

So this weekend I am thankful for the miracle that the death and resurrection of my Lord achieved without which (and who) I would not have a faith or a hope.

I am also thankful for the miracle that is "My Girl", 21years old, independant, a joy to us - and of course, we are thankful that she is able to experience life.