Yesterday was not a good day.
I cried a lot.
I had felt very together up until yesterday. Maybe because I am often at home anyway, it didn't feel that different.
Then the reality of everything coming to the end of Week 2, just seem to hit me. After so long, I had expected the numbers to start coming down, but we have not peaked yet. SA, don't be tempted to think that change will happen overnight, or that lockdown is not working - it takes a while, be patient and stay home. I read an article about the emotions we are feeling, and how they are similar to the stages of grief. I realised I had hit the "Acceptance" stage for us here, but I was nowhere near there for home yet. My emotions see-sawed all day, one moment I was fine, the next I cried and went to sleep, and woke up crying, then I was fine, and then I cried again.
At first I wanted to get angry with myself for being so emotional, but I realise that it is OK, we cannot push such an emotional situation down and expect to feel nothing. So I will cry when I want to, but I will also try to stay off the constant stream of information, and look for the positive to balance it with.
For now I think I will have to find a routine, which I famously never have. However, it may turn out to be a saving grace. I will get up with My Man in the morning. I will get dressed. That sounds odd, I know, but walking around in my onesie or PJs, feels wonderful on most days, but it feels defeatist to me now. I will do at least 30 min of exercise a day, whether it's a run or a workout, it doesn't matter, and then I will make a list of tasks that I can do each day. For this I happily will use Flylady to make sure lots gets done!
I need to do this to make sure that I don't dwell on what's happening, and become more anxious than I already am. I can't deal with all the "What-ifs", it's too much. I need to learn to focus on today. Not being bored today. Keeping busy today. Being grateful for the safety of home. I am not stuck at home, I am safe at home. Others are safe because we are all at home.
I know that none of this is from God, and I get acid when I see people infer that this is some "act of God". Nothing evil originates from Him. Sh!t happens in life, it is just like that. I know that He is in this with us, feeling our sorrow and despair, and I know that this is a time we can choose to blame Him or cling to Him. I choose to cling. Always.
I wish I could go home. The irony is that we always said that when we want to go home, we will just go.
But we literally can't.
So we just have to make peace with that for now.
Stay safe lovely people, and stay home.
I cried a lot.
I had felt very together up until yesterday. Maybe because I am often at home anyway, it didn't feel that different.
Then the reality of everything coming to the end of Week 2, just seem to hit me. After so long, I had expected the numbers to start coming down, but we have not peaked yet. SA, don't be tempted to think that change will happen overnight, or that lockdown is not working - it takes a while, be patient and stay home. I read an article about the emotions we are feeling, and how they are similar to the stages of grief. I realised I had hit the "Acceptance" stage for us here, but I was nowhere near there for home yet. My emotions see-sawed all day, one moment I was fine, the next I cried and went to sleep, and woke up crying, then I was fine, and then I cried again.
At first I wanted to get angry with myself for being so emotional, but I realise that it is OK, we cannot push such an emotional situation down and expect to feel nothing. So I will cry when I want to, but I will also try to stay off the constant stream of information, and look for the positive to balance it with.
For now I think I will have to find a routine, which I famously never have. However, it may turn out to be a saving grace. I will get up with My Man in the morning. I will get dressed. That sounds odd, I know, but walking around in my onesie or PJs, feels wonderful on most days, but it feels defeatist to me now. I will do at least 30 min of exercise a day, whether it's a run or a workout, it doesn't matter, and then I will make a list of tasks that I can do each day. For this I happily will use Flylady to make sure lots gets done!
I need to do this to make sure that I don't dwell on what's happening, and become more anxious than I already am. I can't deal with all the "What-ifs", it's too much. I need to learn to focus on today. Not being bored today. Keeping busy today. Being grateful for the safety of home. I am not stuck at home, I am safe at home. Others are safe because we are all at home.
I know that none of this is from God, and I get acid when I see people infer that this is some "act of God". Nothing evil originates from Him. Sh!t happens in life, it is just like that. I know that He is in this with us, feeling our sorrow and despair, and I know that this is a time we can choose to blame Him or cling to Him. I choose to cling. Always.
I wish I could go home. The irony is that we always said that when we want to go home, we will just go.
But we literally can't.
So we just have to make peace with that for now.
Stay safe lovely people, and stay home.
Thanks for sharing, Lisa. Stay safe, friend!
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