Saturday, May 2, 2020

Speak without hurting

About 25 years or so ago, a friend gave me a note that had the scripture in it, about allowing your speech to always be gracious and seasoned with salt - I asked her about it, and she told me that she had always appreciated my honesty, but that sometimes I could be a bit blunt and that not everyone understood that, and that I could hurt peoples feelings.

I remember feeling mortified by that, and at the same time so grateful to her for being brave enough to tell me something, that potentially could have sparked a very different reaction. I prided myself on being forthright, probably because it is what I appreciate most in my friends with me, and I thought others would appreciate it too, but I never wanted to intentionally hurt anyone or offend anyone.

I basically just breathed "God help me" at that moment.  I don't always get it right, but over the years I feel as though I do think about the other person before I speak - even though there are times I just know that a witty blunt comment would be so much more fun to make!

May 1 2020, was a cross-over day for me. I have never been confrontational on Social Media. I prefer face-to-face conflict where we can hear one anothers tone, and see the body language. Yesterday though I was confronted with posts that challenge my "new" self. I was torn, do I say what I think irrespective of whether it is confrontational, or not?  Do I let people continue to think I am this person who never ruffles feathers, or do I say what I think?

I decided, what the hell, let me say it, only to realise that actually my opinion is wrong, given without insight, and basically not needed or wanted.  At first, I was hurt, and then I was disappointed. I didn't expect that reaction. I even felt slightly betrayed by my own kind! :D  (I know, a bit dramatic, but hey-ho).   Why, if you post something controversial, can you not deal with controversy - or at least hear the reason for the other viewpoint?  Do you need to be in agreement with the person posting - is that the etiquette?

I feel like I just want to go back to my "old self", and post controversial posts just to get a reaction, so that I can react and be my old blunt self. Who gives a crap who I hurt.... But I cannot go back to being that person and I don't want to be like that, condescending and so cock-sure of everything, that it's their way or no way.

It seems that as far as controversial posts go, you cannot comment if you want to say something that doesn't verify the posters point of view.  Or that if one is known as a "controversial poster", then it's OK to make controversial comments because "that is who you are" and "how people know you".

But God help you if you are just an average person posting pictures of forests who suddenly says something confrontational - that will just not do!

SO this is my pity-party for today. I really want to post the come-backs and replies I had in mind. I was itching to. But I can't. Or I won't. Because speech, grace, salt... and all of that.

*I needed to vent, so this is just my private vent. I am not sharing it anywhere, so it is not a veiled "I'm frustrated at you" post.  :)

#Lockdown2020

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