An Early New Years Resolution.

I made my New Years resolution early. Like now, in October. I don't usually make resolutions, because nothing makes one feel more of a failure, than not keeping them for even a day, week or month!  However, I am resolute about keeping this.

About a month ago, after I had been to Adem for advice and back to the Ministry to ask if being here 5 years would make it easier for me to work, and after they gave me the same forms and same story, I went for a walk in the forest with Jack as I normally do. I felt deflated (again), I don't really know why, since I had expected it.

Suddenly as I was walking along, without warning, I just had this mini meltdown. I just began to cry - out of nowhere, like really sob. I felt like I couldn't breathe, I felt like I was about to pass out. I have only experienced this once before in my life and it was at a time that I was severely stressed out then. I didn't think I was stressed out now though.

I remembered an article about finding things to touch, and smell and see and listen to, so I did that, and attempted to focus all my energy on not falling apart.

After what felt like an eternity, but was probably only a few minutes, I continued my walk and just cried out to God that something had to change. As I walked it became clear that there was only one real option left: I will have to apply for my citizenship here. That is the only way.

I will never give up my SA citizenship, so it will be dual. However, to do this I have to be able to take what is called the "Sproochentest" - which is the ability to speak, read and write in Luxembourgish up to a certain level.

I have been so focussed on feeling more confident in trying and making mistakes in French, and now to basically start over in another language,  feels like a mountain to me. But hey, it's winter, so I may as well begin the climb. Everything starts with small steps. I have an appointment in Nov to start at the Language school and have signed up for an online course too, with podcasts, notes and a tutor if needed. (I did a few classes at our Commune last winter, but honestly not enough to be of any benefit in this quest!)

I heard a quote from John Cena's book "Elbow Grease" which goes: "If you stick with what you are good at, you will never learn anything."  I am pretty good at puzzles in winter - so this winter, I will learn something new - LËTZEBUERGESCH.

So right now,  I am off to my favourite coffee shop, laptop and materials in hand, where I plan to bury myself for a few hours.

.

If you are the praying type, remember me - I will also take thoughts, vibes and smoke signals. 

Thank you.

The resolution is to take the test by the end of April 2019.

PS. I know you are probably all sick to death of me moaning about not being able to work, but in spite of what it may look like, I am not on holiday here.  This is my life that I am living, and in my life, I have always worked because I love it.