Maybe it was brought on by the Saffer accent of the Radio station, maybe by the family thread on Whatsapp chatting, maybe it was waving at the plane overhead believing it may be my niece who is arriving on the Continent as I type.... maybe even that we won't be home to stand arm in arm as we sing our anthem against the All Blacks on Saturday....I don't know what brought it on. I do know that being here was (and is) a divine kindness to us to fulfill a dream of living in Europe for a while so that we could experience other cultures and travel. - and it's such an amazing experience.
But between travelling and visits, I add no value here (other than being a wife!) I do nothing but keep myself entertained. I could be at home, with My Girl and my family, instead of sitting here waiting for the next holiday or visitor.Again - must stress that I am not unhappy. Just purposeless.
I fear this may lead to being unhappy sometime.
Ahh Lis! Such an awful empty feeling.
ReplyDeleteI think feeling purposeless is a tough one.
I'm glad I read this after reading your next post so I know you've found a way forward.
Sending hugs and lots of love
Oh - yes, I also want to say, thank you for posting that clip of our Bokke. Its super moving; makes you so proud of being a Saffer and so proud of them and their guts in the face of great odds.
ReplyDeleteHi
ReplyDeleteit's been an age ....
I feel I can relate to what you have written here a lot of the time, and have a lot over the lat few (pretty hard) years .... but I wonder whether sometimes God just wants us to 'show up' .... I think God takes delight in that
I also wonder whether there is something in God wanting us to realise that 'we are enough' .... tho I'm not even sure myself why I've just written that!
but ... great to connect again
Moments. these they come and go. I have learnt to sit in the discomfort and feel the sadness and then carry on. You do this too. But its tough. :-)
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