Mostly about "My friends dog".

I took a friends puppy out for a walk this afternoon. The weather is still gorgeous for this time of year and I can't say that I mind Autumn lingering - it is my favourite season.

I used to talk to myself in French when I walked alone, I got very fluent with myself! :) It's always helpful when there is no-one to feel intimidated by!

Today I decided I needed to talk to myself in Luxembourgish - I was not good company as I ran out of conversation pretty fast, and I found myself a bit boring too. Let's face it, there is only so much of "The sky is blue", "The sun is yellow" & "I come from South Africa" that you can say.

I eventually started trying to make other simple sentences, like, "This is not my dog."  At this point I was reminded of the Peter Sellers movie... "does your dog bite?.... this is not my dog".  And I packed up laughing and spent at least two minutes trying to imitate his accent.  If there was anyone hidden in the bush, I reckon they had quite a show.

Eventually I tried to say:  "It is my friends dog."  This was fine until I got to trying to figure out how to say "friends dog". I reckon that if I said it in Afrikaans, it would be as close as dammit is to swearing, and maybe no-one would notice. "Et ass meng frëndin se hond." (I have no clue how right/wrong that is! The "se" is the tricky bit!)  

As I was busy trying to decide if it was easier to say "It's my friends dog" or just "it's my friends" (Dit is my vriendin s'n), I heard a noise behind me and a guy on a bike was just about in my pocket! Does he know what a BELL is!?  He just laughed and yelled Moien, and cycled on and I confess that I swore under my breath - in Afrikaans. (I took Mariaans name in vain.) (Saffers will understand that!) - which was promptly followed by a "Whoops! Sorry Father, got a bit of a fright there."

That was the end of my Luxembourgish thinking, I needed to be more alert, and so I went back to "The flower is red", "The desk is brown", and other random nothings.

OK. Enough rambling now. 

Time for coffee.

An Early New Years Resolution.

I made my New Years resolution early. Like now, in October. I don't usually make resolutions, because nothing makes one feel more of a failure, than not keeping them for even a day, week or month!  However, I am resolute about keeping this.

About a month ago, after I had been to Adem for advice and back to the Ministry to ask if being here 5 years would make it easier for me to work, and after they gave me the same forms and same story, I went for a walk in the forest with Jack as I normally do. I felt deflated (again), I don't really know why, since I had expected it.

Suddenly as I was walking along, without warning, I just had this mini meltdown. I just began to cry - out of nowhere, like really sob. I felt like I couldn't breathe, I felt like I was about to pass out. I have only experienced this once before in my life and it was at a time that I was severely stressed out then. I didn't think I was stressed out now though.

I remembered an article about finding things to touch, and smell and see and listen to, so I did that, and attempted to focus all my energy on not falling apart.

After what felt like an eternity, but was probably only a few minutes, I continued my walk and just cried out to God that something had to change. As I walked it became clear that there was only one real option left: I will have to apply for my citizenship here. That is the only way.

I will never give up my SA citizenship, so it will be dual. However, to do this I have to be able to take what is called the "Sproochentest" - which is the ability to speak, read and write in Luxembourgish up to a certain level.

I have been so focussed on feeling more confident in trying and making mistakes in French, and now to basically start over in another language,  feels like a mountain to me. But hey, it's winter, so I may as well begin the climb. Everything starts with small steps. I have an appointment in Nov to start at the Language school and have signed up for an online course too, with podcasts, notes and a tutor if needed. (I did a few classes at our Commune last winter, but honestly not enough to be of any benefit in this quest!)

I heard a quote from John Cena's book "Elbow Grease" which goes: "If you stick with what you are good at, you will never learn anything."  I am pretty good at puzzles in winter - so this winter, I will learn something new - LËTZEBUERGESCH.

So right now,  I am off to my favourite coffee shop, laptop and materials in hand, where I plan to bury myself for a few hours.

.

If you are the praying type, remember me - I will also take thoughts, vibes and smoke signals. 

Thank you.

The resolution is to take the test by the end of April 2019.

PS. I know you are probably all sick to death of me moaning about not being able to work, but in spite of what it may look like, I am not on holiday here.  This is my life that I am living, and in my life, I have always worked because I love it. 

Having a day.

I was just sitting here, innocently doing my puzzle, listening to Magic 828 radio online, and out of the blue suddenly I had this thought:-  "What am I doing here?"

Maybe it was brought on by the Saffer accent of the Radio station, maybe by the family thread on Whatsapp chatting, maybe it was waving at the plane overhead believing it may be my niece who is arriving on the Continent as I type....  maybe even that we won't be home to stand arm in arm as we sing our anthem against the All Blacks on Saturday....I don't know what brought it on. I do know that being here was (and is) a divine kindness to us to fulfill a dream of living in Europe for a while so that we could experience other cultures and travel. - and it's such an amazing experience.

But between travelling and visits, I add no value here  (other than being a wife!) I do nothing but keep myself entertained. I could be at home, with My Girl and my family, instead of sitting here waiting for the next holiday or visitor.

Again - must stress that I am not unhappy. Just purposeless.

I fear this may lead to being unhappy sometime.

Photographs and Memories

Wow... 5 years in Luxembourg and in our house here. Time has flown. Before we set off we said that we would aim for 5 years and see how we felt after that.  Last night, I reminded My Man of this conversation, and we both felt it is not time to come home quite yet. It feels as though we just arrived.

Just this morning I was reminded on Facebook about the day our suitcase broke on the plane coming over. I was whisked back to that day. It was so hot and the hill up to our house seemed endless, and the pavements so narrow that in places the suitcase couldn't even fit on them. I remember a car driving passed us and bumping My Mans elbow, I remember putting up the fence and the horrendous blisters My Man got from doing it, but our hounds were arriving the next day and we had to find a hardware, find a fence, have it delivered and then work out how to put it up, all in one day in a language we didn't know. It was awesome and we did it.

I must confess that for all of the fails of social media, I do love the FB Memories. I have had the odd person make "flyby" comments about how many photo's I take / how often I post on FB, some seemingly random. At first I thought that perhaps it was too much, and went on a bit of an introspective journey. Then, I basically thought, (excuse me but) "Stuff it. It's my FB and you are free to hide, delete or ignore my trivia!"

The way I see it now is that in a few years time, FB memories are going to remind me of the day I first ordered my dustbin bags in French, or the day that I saw that guy in the bus with purple laces, or the day we first went to the Winter Burning or first Carnival, the Yellow Duck Race or that Wednesday morning I discovered the market in the square, or the day I first saw a deer in the snowy forest. These were all epic to me! You think you will never forget moments, but you do - sometimes I can barely remember what I did last week, let alone 10 years ago!

So I will keep posting my little bits of trivia, like exciting new bus routes or tasting Foie Gras for the first time, because I never want to forget a moment of anything we experience here, good or bad - I want to keep being reminded of this epic adventure long after it is all over.

So, here is to the halfway mark, to our Fathers kindness, and to the unfinished journey yet to be enjoyed.

Cool Runnings.

Peace be the journey.  

Friday morning metaphor

This morning I sat on the balcony, eating my breakfast, as I do each morning, (when it isn’t sub-zero temperatures!) I looked out at my flower boxes which, just 2 weeks ago, were an over-flowing mass of colourful pansies, but today, there are perhaps 3 or 4 flowers in each box. I got up and looked at them carefully, thinking that this weekend I need to whip them out and replace them with something new and less messed up.

Suddenly I was overwhelmed by my ninja-pansies. These little survivors had weathered the mother and father of all storms and hail, and despite it, managed to creep back and blossom. How could I now just rip them out and replace them!? I can't. I won't. 

I began to consider that these pansies were a metaphor for our own lives. One day everything is beautiful, and then suddenly, it’s not. We feel hailed on, tossed about and knocked down, and we fear that we may never see the light of another beautiful day. Like the pansies needed time, sun and rain to recover, sometimes we need time, help and friends to recover, and then to blossom again.

We are loved. We are irreplaceable. We are unique. We are worth fighting for. 

Today - be a ninja.

March - My New Favourite Worst Month

Every year in March I get to a point where I feel like this.
Every year, I say to myself that I remember this feeling from the year before, and I won't let it happen again.
Every year it happens again.

If I cannot wear a T-shirt, walk barefoot on the beach, and sit in the sun soon - there is a good chance I will begin to throw things, cry and eat far too many sweets....

Thankfully we jet off home this week, for a couple of weeks - could Gods timing BE more perfect!? (Insert Chandlers voice there)

I am so over being inside.

I am so over being inside.

I am just so very, very over, being inside.



Bring on the sea, the sun, and the barefoot days.
In the meantime, I will just try to find as many of my "Happy Making Things", to indulge in....

My Happy Making Things