Possibly, Woe is Me?

Beware... this may come off as a "Woe is Me" post.
It probably is.

I am feeling sorry for myself. First off, we sold my car, and to put a stop to all the questions, here are the answers:
1. It was a petrol guzzler.
2. Yes, we will get another one.
3. I don't know when.
4. I don't know what make.
5. I don't know.

That, in itself doesn't make me feel sorry for myself, it's actually quite interesting realising how much one relies on their own transport, and I am thankful to family and friends for their offers to help, although, with the exception of my ride to school and home, I have not asked anyone to take me anywhere.

What I REALLY WANT to do, is haul that bicycle out of the garage and use that - because, I think this will solve the reason why I AM feeling sorry for myself.

The main reason I am feeling a bit miz, is that I had gotten so into going to gym, and it was going so well and I realised how much I enjoyed running again. I got to the place where the treadmill wasn't enough, and went back to the street.  Together with some friends and colleagues, we ran three times a week, and did a couple of races, but the BIG race that I really wanted to do was the one through the historic part of our city.

Long story short, ( a bit late for that now I think!), about 2 weeks before the race, the arch of my right foot became an issue and was really sore, affecting my knee as well. I bought new shoes, thinking that perhaps I needed something better. It didn't help, I stopped running in the hopes that it would be better by the race, but it wasn't. Then I slipped down my front step and twisted that same ankle. Not badly, I can walk on it OK, but if I turn my ankle in a specific way, its pretty sore.

I missed the race.
I was sad and just so disappointed.

I guess my frustration is just that I am not getting to run at all.

Which is why I need the bicycle.

I just need to get out there.

OK. That's all.
Sorry about the pity party.

It's (Not) Complicated

Then.....and now.

I was going through all my CD's to see what I could ditch and came across this that I had written in 2005 in the midst of a really traumatic "Church" time....   

How have You loved me?      (John 13:34)

 What kind of love is this….

                      That has no complications

                                                                    No

                                                            ‘ifs’ and no ‘buts’,

                                                  an unconditional love….
                                                       Its all ‘in spite of’

                                                 and not ‘because of ‘ us.

                 What kind of love is this….

                          That knows me so completely  —-

                                               When I Walk,

                                                      When I sit,

                                                                 And when I stand –

                                                 who has me in the palm of His hand.

 What kind of love is this…

                     That loves me through insecurities,

                                                             fears   and     a n x i e t i e s

                            Who sees all that I can be – so continues to bring change in me.

What kind of love is this…

That forgives every thoughtless word …

                                               Every selfish plan devised….

                                                                   Every action unrequired….

                                                                                 Every lust and flesh desire?

 What kind of love is this…..

                      That knows every hurtful word received

                                        and then each bitter thought conceived

ALL OF THESE THINGS YOU SEE…

                                And YOU challenge me – 
                                                     Just Love...     and let it go.

     …So...

 I give you the hurtful words received,

                             the doubts and disappointments,

                                              the unmet expectations, anxieties and frustrations…

 and I ask You Lord –   May I love as unconditionally

                                                        And forgive without exception

                                                                   May I accept others as they are

                                                                              Understanding our imperfections.

In short Father………Help me love others as You have loved me.

* * * * 

23.3.13

Reading this now I am just so overwhelmed with how faithful God has been in the years since. As traumatic as it was, He used that painful time to bring me into a freedom I may never have known otherwise, so I am thankful for it.

I came across this Thomas Merton quote today...
"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them."

Thought provoking words from a guy who had lots of wise things to say...

Tuesdays Laugh

Still in Genesis, the group last night were looking at the animals getting into the ark.  We discovered that God brought the animals TO Noah, he didn't go and herd them into the Ark. (Gen. 7:8,9)

At this point one of the guys said, "Just as well because all the female of the species would have been running late", to which I could not resist the reply, ".... and the men of the species would get lost and refuse to ask for directions!"

It's great to know that God has a sense of humour and probably had a good laugh with us!

Lots of Nothing

I keep opening up a page and wanting to write.  Something. Anything....
The blank screen stares mockingly back at me.

I figured I would get my own back and just post a pic. That should shut up the whiteness of the screen.
For now anyway.

The God Who Waits

I've heard people question the grace and mercy of the "Old Testament God", saying that he was angry and without mercy and yet they see the "New Testament God" as loving and kind.

On the surface, if diving randomly into Scripture, one could be forgiven for thinking that, but this is the danger of reading randomly without context. On deeper study however, what one will discover is that Scripture is a love-letter from his heart to us, with his story poured out and how we are still part of it.   We will find too that he has always been, and will always be, the SAME God - loving, kind, just and merciful.

This was once again just brought to my attention in the account of Methuselah and the Flood. Methuselah's name means "His death shall bring" ... He was the oldest person to ever live - 969 years!

It's far easier to see God portrayed in a "bad light" in the Flood, than to see that that this was actually an act of mercy.

It's taken me a long time to say what only needs a shortish sentence actually:

The year that Methuselah died - the Flood happened.

For me it's amazing that God held out on judgement for SO LONG since mankind had become so depraved.  He waited for as long as he possibly could - it was his mercy that withheld judgement for that long.

He is loving - but he is also a God of justice.

This is a merciful balance.

Breathe

Still in Genesis.
Still marvelling on his breath giving us life
Still reflecting on being created in his image and what that means....

I came across this beautiful clip.
If you have 15 minutes, it will be 15 minutes well spent.

Nooma Breathe 014 by holer24